But today the Professor was investigating alchemical rights passed down through the invisible writings that emmerged only after he had consumed enough magic mushrooms. These recipes would tell him everything he needed to know in order to perform a given spell in alchemy. Todays lesson came from a rather helpful and patient Sorceror or Sahir from Jordon who lived in the early 6th century and who had shared most of his knowledge over what for wizards was a kind of natural internet. This natural internet was invisible to you or I but would reveal itself to the wizard or student of wizardry after consuming the necessary quantity of hallucinigenic mushrooms. The writings would appear as glowing embers in a well tended fire and as they did the professor hurredly wrote them down. Todays lesson from the Sahir of Jordon was how to create the most powerful Vitriol on earth - a substance that could be used to perform any number of spells. The professor fumbled with his notes as he recorded the Sahirs writings dilligently.
As the mushrooms wore off the messages began to disapear and professor was left scratching his head about what to do next. On his notepad he had a number of ingredients many of which he could easily obtain. When combined they would create a spell that would allow the professor a glimpse of the invisible conduit behind reality that joined worlds in time and space - he liked to call it the Platonic Shift. When you could access the Platonic shift you could go just about anywhere and do just about anything - it was a real game changer.
The right spell would change the energy state of the universe that concealed this Platonic Shift from ordinary reality. The professor was extremely excited as he popped a view more magic mushrooms and drank some herbal tea.
However there was something else that wanted none of this, something dark. It was an old enemy of the Sahir - the Visir of Baghdad. The Visir had grown powerful using the knowledge of various Sorcerors which he devoured over the many years that he ruled the ancient lands of mesoptania and beyond. The Visir had channeled an ancient spirit from Sumarian times to gain more power and with it he was able to move across time and space using a certain holy text whose name escapes me. Through this text and certain incantations once read enabled the Visir and others to control other minds!
The professor knew nothing of this Visir but he was about to find out. The Sahir was compelled to explain to the porfessor that in his time he was being hunted by the Visir for this knowledge and he hoped that for the professors sake that he would remain safe in a time to which the Visir had no means of access. The Sahir was wrong. In fact the Visir was even more powerful in our time than in theirs.
The professor was bent over a hole in a mighty elm and was adjusting his Platonic glasses so as to examine the scales on one particular tree serpeant who had for sometime become the professors greatest admirer. While at the same time several hundred baby tree nats swarmed about his head viying for attention. He could almost hear them all shouting 'me me me' to the professors who was trying to politely ignore them as he did not have his special meatllic seashell earlobes that would facilitate him hearing their voices. He much preferred the young of the dragon flys that would sing to him by the rolling vociferous stream that carried knowledge and love aswell as war down in its turbalent gurgles. No today he would have to ignore the images of countless days gone by - of people toiling in the fields and relaxing and drinking by the river being lovingly relayed to him through the swarm or the winds as he sat down and began to recount the Sahirs last recorded message.
The Sahir was telling everyone who was listening to watch out for the Visir as he was becoming too powerful and had sent Goblins from the pit of hades to retrieve the three giant diamonds that held the sacred magicians natural internet up and would if taken allow the Visir to control the fates of all wizards across time and space.
The professor was shocked he was not a wizard as such and so would not be affected by the Visirs charms but he would be really upset to be cut off from his friends across time and space. Something must be done he thought.
Only one thing could save us repeated the Sahir - 'The Ghosts of Worms'
'What could he have meant', the professor thought. The Ghosts of Worms were innocent things. Ok yes on occassion they would grow to emmense proprtions some often bigger than a house but they only issued love and warmth to any other soul that came into their path. But wait perhaps if there were many of them say a whole bucket of worms they could change reality change the outcome of a lucky dice. Yes he had heard it was true. If you rolled a dice next to a whole bucket of worms it would always come with a number greater or lower than 3. He had read that somewhere on the wizards web. It was like the special stones he collected each one had a tiny bit of magic and so when used together that magic increased. But the Ghosts of worms were way more powerful than a bunch of magic stones and this was something the professor was about to find out. If you had twenty magic stones and kept them together the magic would increase. It would be amplified. Then just a few of theose stones - each of course being unique to a given function would change what lay behind reality. Stones where like the necessary components of a machine that the professor was only just starting to understand - the reality machine. But worms and ghosts of worms that was something else again.
The only thing that could stop a goblin was an opal stone. Its magic would consume the invisible energy of the goblin which existed mostly on one side of reality - the dark side and was invisible to ordinary people. But to stop the Visir's goblins the Professor would have to travel far and retrieve the most powerful Opals in the universe - the Quintangles. They had been placed across the universe on various worlds and held nearly two thirds of the magic power of the entire universe. But you could be assured that he was not the only one who would be looking for the Opals.
The professor trudged back to his underground lair - a kind of inverted tower that lay hidden beneath a wood surrounded by the giant walls of a mighty chasm. He was well hidden. There in the catacombs of his lair he began to make preparations for travel. He would be gone for sometime and when he returned he would be able to use just one of the Opals to provide a magical sheild protecting the earths wizards from any Goblins and from the Visir himself. He packed a jar of worms just in case the Sahir was right.
Thomlinson the professors companion a kind of cross between a lizard and a small boy whispered into the porfessors ear as he prepared his magic breifcase.
"Where are we going Professor? asked the lizard boy
"Your staying right here Thomlinson and I wont hear another word of it. This mission is going to be one of the most dangerous and there will be not enough magic to protect you and me both.
"Your going up there arnt you professor. Into the void into the beyond.
"Yes thats right
"Ohhhh please can I come with you I promise I will be helpful and I can bring my own magic look watch this
Thomlinson briefly vanished and then reapeared
"Ok then but as long as you remain out of sight
The professor opened his satchel and thomlonson disapeared inside.
Right lets open a portal and be on our way, the professor shouted something in latin "Profurus etorus leomus" and a green and white portal opened across the stone wall of the lair.
He grabbed the satchel took one last look behind and jumped through they both yelled "wooohay", it was the usual thing to say.
They laned on a gateway world called Epiferous. It was a red and green world - red barren lands with a green and white sky in the distance was a small and very bright totally white sun that burnt a true white - which was the colour of a white hole. This white whole would allow the professor to move across the universe and locate the Opals.
"Welcome professor" Thomlinson and the Porfessor both turned around. The professor whispered, "In the case.." to Thomlinson as they looked up into the giant mouth of a dragon moth - gaurdian of this particlar gateway node. Not known for their good tempers the professor was surprised at the friendly greeting. He was half expecting to have been fighting his way out of the giant moths sticky stomach. Thankfully the gaurdian was in a delightful mood.
"We have been waiting for you Professor. Everyone is talking about you journey to the outer worlds and we are all for it. Weve never had an Opal on this world and for that matter in this universe and frankly its worth a thousand of those Goblins to see sense of it!"
The professor scratched his head before he understood what he had meant
"Oh yes theyd been through alright several Goblines and they were all looking for you. They must have go the time circuits wrongly calibrated I told them shortly before eating them that theyd got the time circuits wring and the professor never travelled in the late 16th century to any world he was always fond of the 1300's isnt that right professor.
Thomlinson who had rejoined them nodded, "yes thats true the professor loves the romance of the 1300's, Isabella, Mortimer and he loves the Black Knight and Indeed even Dispensor the...", "Yes thankyou Thomlinson thankyou for telling everyone my privations"
"Is said the professor adores the 1300's I knew we all knew it the Goblines thought you were a 1600's boy hugh yeah so I ate them"
"But be warned professor there is a deadlier foe than the Goblins far more whily the Black Queen - it is said the Black queen holds her world captive and controls every living soul beneath a blue sun. She also seeks the Opals to extend her empire and her control in the universe. Just be warned there I said it. Now would you care for some Goblin soup my coutiers would be only to happy to bring you some.
"Ummmm no. Thankyou but no. We need to be getting moving thanks all the same. Oh just one thing do you have any spare riders to help us cross the light and begin our journey oh mighty one
"Are you kidding this is the 1300's not the stone ages you wont be taking any of our children into the light I thankyou and your lucky I dont eat you on the spot for asking that of me
"Ok so what are we supposed to use", innocently asked Thomlinson of the mighty moth.
"Are you completly behind the times you use tumble tweakers just like the rest of us. Here have these theyve only been used twice"
The giant moth flung a couple of tumble tweakers down to the professor and thomlinson.
"Thnkyou.."
"What are they" asked thomlinson
"Oh theyre tumble tweakers." The professor tried to sound like he knew as he attempted to place them over his shoulders and that of thomlinson.
"No no stupid they fasten around your legs...thyere self tightenting. They help you ... well they help you tumble.You need to head for earths twin world Terra. Good luck. Ave atqui valle."
"Oh he speaks latin." whispered Thomlinson
"Yes he does. Yes he does."
At that they fastened the tumble tweakers and took off into the white light of the sun leaving the giant moth and his blood red world behind as they got closer to the sun they seemed to disapear into the whitness. It kind of swalled them up. They touched it like a couple of pond skaters on a summers day with the sun glinting off the waters elasticated surface and then they were gone. Beneath it, inside it. Travelling faster than light.
Don't forget to read Tumble Tweakers
Book Blurb -:-
"The bumbing professor is back. Who on every adventure only just manages to escape complete oblivion by chance and when he actually puts his mind to it can only seem to overcome the most benial of enemys. Read as he takes on the entire universe, despotic queens, maniacle visirs and hungry goblins triumpthing every adversary in his path with sheer luck, good manners and the invaluable assistance of his cherished companion Thomlinson.
Hey Professor!
Don't forget your jar of lucky worms!!"
(All Materials and Story's featured on this site are CopyRight 2024 Sam Shepherd & Simon Kettle - HapHazard Publishing)